A few years ago, I decided to try my hand at online dating. I met a guy named Charles. Charles seemed cool, and I liked the way our conversation flowed as we messaged one another via the dating website. We chatted online for about a week before we decided to finally meet in person. We met at a restaurant, nothing too fancy just a nice casual spot. When we met up, the attraction was instant and judging from the smiles worn on both of our faces, it was mutual. We hit it off really well in person as we did online. We ate, laughed, talked, then went home in separate cars. Charles was a really good catch, I mean the man seriously had it going on. He was attractive, no kids, (not that it would have been a problem if he did have kids.) He had his masters's degree, made good money, a great career, in which he had been for 10 years, he owned his home, and he didn't smoke. What the hell more could a girl ask for? As far as I was concerned, he was my future husband, I just knew it. I felt like he was my equal as it related to what he brought to the table. The only excetion was I am not a home owner, but everything else was a match. Charles possessed the credentials that I had been telling myself I wanted A good educated man with some stability who could commit and would be a great provider, and who could commit. I gathered that he was all of these things just from his credentials. I figured, okay, he's obtained his masters degree which means he knows how to finish what he starts and he knows how to commit. The fact that he had been on his job for 10 years and he owns a home let me know that he was a man with stability. The icing on the cake for me was, when it came to what we were both looking for, we seemed to be on the same page. Both of us were looking to build something serious that would eventually lead to marriage. (At least that was what he said he was looking for) In my mind, I had lucked up.
Then came the bullshit.
A week or two after our initial meet up, Charles and I had decided to go out again; this would actually be our first official date. It was a Friday night the plan was that he would pick me up around 7:00 PM and we would do dinner and a movie. I was really looking forward to the date because so far, I liked the guy. He called me around 5:30 and told me that he would be running a little late because he would be getting off later than scheduled .So instead of getting off at 6:00 which was his normal time off ,he wouldn't be getting off until 6:30. In addition to getting off late he said he needed to get a hair cut. I was okay with him getting off late, it happens and I appreciated the call, but a hair cut? dude you wait until now to get a hair cut?I could feel some irritation coming on, but I kept my cool and just said, "okay." Then he called me once he got to the barber shop and said it was packed and that there would be await. At this point, we changed our meet up time to 8:00 PM. He emphasized on how much he REALLY wanted to see me and assured me that he would be at my house at 8:00 PM and not a minute later. How about 20 minutes later, this fool called and said he got a call from his cousin who had just gotten in an argument with his girlfriend and he needed for him to come and get him. He apologized and asked if we could take a "rain check" on our date. I said "okay," but I really wanted to tell him to just lose my number because it seemed like he just had way too much going on. Then on the flip side I thought, "okay I will give him an opportunity to redeem himself and make it up to me." He did make it up to me so I did continue to see him. We had good chemistry when we were around each other and he claimed to have liked me so much. He swore up and down he felt lucky to have met me. We went on a few more dates, but he cancelled like three out of five due to work or some random bullshit that might have came up. The last straw was when we agreed to meet up at the Cheesecake Factory, which was a date he initiated. An hour before we were to meet up, he asked if we could take a "rain check," because he went to his company's picnic and he had been on the grill for half the day. He went on to say that he was tired and just wanted to go home, take a shower, and chill. I was done. I know, I should have been done with this dude before it even got to this point, but I can be real and admit that I stuck around a few weeks longer than I should have with this dude because I was too busy thinking about his resume and how hard it is to meet a decent guy these days. The truth is despite how glamorous he seemed on paper, Charles was not someone to look at as having a possible relationship with. His resume did not tel me he was a good man, it only told me he was an adult. In eight weeks, I learned that he was not a man of his word which was the biggest turn off for me. He was not considerate of other people's time. He was a workaholic. He was a poor communicator. He did not respect the feelings of others, he did what was convenient for him with no regards of how his actions might affect anyone else. This dude was a headache. His resume did not prove that he was a good man, it only proved that he was an adult. He went from being a sweet dream to a damn nightmare. Needless to say, Charles and I did not work out, and I am so glad we didn't.
We give status and resumes too much credit, but there is a such thing as being a public success and a private failure. The well respected corporate tycoon who makes six figures, is like superman at the office. He has a reputation for getting the job done and making things move and shake. At home, he is a piss poor communicator who neglects his wife and kids for work. The quality time that being in a relationship or a marriage requires is not a priority to him and this causes serious problems between him and his wife.
The moral of the story is this, don't get so caught up in someone's resume that you look over signs of who they are in real life. A person's true character can't be learned through their resume. The resume only gives the opportunity to ASSUME who a person is. The true character of a person can only be revealed through spending time and experiencing different moments with them.
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