“She got her own thing that’s why I love her Miss Independent Won’t you come and spend a little time she got her own thing that’s why I love her Miss Independent ooh the way she shine Miss Independent
As you might already know, these are the lyrics from r&b singer songwriter NeYo's hit 2008 song, "Miss Independent." We hear songs like this that gives the independent woman praises and a pat on her little independent back. Destiny's Child and Lil Boosie are also among artists who have put out a hot song glamorizing the woman who can get it on her own without the help of any man. The question I can't help but ponder is, why is the independent woman adored and desired in songs, but in real life this isn’t very much so? I often hear men refer to independence as one of the qualities they look for in a woman. If this is the case, why are there so many “Independent” women who are single? Contrary to popular belief that an independent woman is the popular “it” girl among men, she is not what they want. Sure her independence is admired, but that is where it stops. Just because a quality is admired doesn't mean it is what someone wants. Sometimes, we admire a quality in a person because the previous person we were with lacked that quality. For example, a guy I met and dated briefly, used to always tell me how much he loved the fact that I was independent. Well, he also expressed that his previous girlfriend was very dependent and she was irresponsible. He was not talking down about her nor did he talk about her a lot. I could tell he was just expressing an area about her that used to get under his skin. He was entitled to that, but the point I am making is, he spent a few years in a relationship with this woman who he claimed was irresponsible and lacked independence. The fact that I am independent did not make him like me any more or any less, it was just admiration.
Some men feel that independent women come with more attitude than they care to deal with. It has been said by many men that independent woman have the worst attitudes and it’s much worse if you add successful, and educated to the equation. The whole, "I'm independent and I don't need a man for shit"mentality, in my opinion, contributes to division between men and women. If a woman is busy being strong and does not need a man, then why would a man want to be around? Could it be that men are actually checking for the independent women, but the attitude that she posses is what makes them say, "I'm cool on her?"
I don't care how independent a woman is or appears to be, she needs a man. She might not need a man to pay her bills, (although that is nice to have) but she needs a man for other reasons like companionship, sex, (that's if she is only into men) and if she is a single parent, she might need a decent father figure for her kid(s). It's not a bad thing for a woman to be independent, however I don't see the point in wearing it like a badge of honer either. It doesn't make a woman weak or less independent for her to need or desire a man in her life. Let's be real, at the end of the day, there are no awards given for being an independent woman. That being said, don't be so strong and independent that you end up single and lonely for the rest of your life.
Do you think women who are independent and successful cause themselves to be single? or are guys just not that into independence and successful women like they claim?