A few years ago when I worked for a well known corporation, I encountered a guy who seemed to have taken an interest in me. He would come to my desk and spark up small
conversation. I noticed during our conversations, he would slip in a few personal inquiries like, what was my age, if I had kids, and what do I like to do outside of work. After a few more friendly conversations at my desk, or in the break room, he eventually asked me out. I knew that was what he was working his way up to. I declined because I am not to keen on dating guys I work with. I know it is said that work is where many people meet their husbands and wives, but work romance can get very ugly, so I usually prefer to not take that chance. This guy was persistent but I think I declined at least three times.
Then finally, I said "Okay ,I will go out with you." He wasn't a bug a boo or anything, so it wasn't like I finally gave him the okay just so he would leave me alone. No, it wasn't that type of situation. I decided to go out with him because he seemed really nice, and I decided I needed to be open minded and try something outside of what I wouldn't normally do. We exchanged phone numbers and it went from there. We went to dinner at a nice restaurant and actually had a good time. We continued to talk when we saw each other at work and we talked on the phone after work, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. I liked his conversation, and the fact that he hadn't tried to see how fast he could get over to my house after one date had scored him big points with me. We carried on like this for about three weeks. I was feeling glad about the fact that I had finally given him a chance. ''I had finally met a decent guy," I thought to myself. I was feeling really good about this guy, and then I got a call from his WIFE!!! Yes guys this fool was a married man. When the wife contacted me, she wasn't on any reality show mess, she kept it polite and respectful. She asked to know the relationship between her husband and I. What I was not going to do was spin her like some women, and tell her to go ask her husband. I think that is bullshit when women do that. If a woman is calling you about her man, don't tell that woman to go ask him. She might have already asked him and just want to get your version of the situation. I did not feel the need to tell her that we had gone out to dinner, and thank God I never gave him none. I simply told her that he had been trying to pursue me and that I had no idea he was married. She began to cry; she said that this was not the first time he had done this. I told her I was sorry for what she was going through. We ended the conversation and that was that. After she and I spoke, I saw him at work the next day and gave him nothing but an eye roll and a cold shoulder. He came to me while I was on lunch and began to explain himself. Which I should not have allowed him to do because at that point, there was nothing to explain, mutha***** you lied! You lied like you were a single man. He apologized and basically pulled the "I'm not happy" card. He said all they did was argue and she wasn't doing this or doing that. He was basically making it seem as though he was just in a bad situation. Oh, and of course he kept adding the fact that he "really liked me' and hoped that we could continue to see one another. Yeah right, I cut that snake off at the head. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again after that. Here is the point to this story. So many women allow themselves to get caught up with with other women's men for different reasons. It is to the point now that some women are just peachy keen with being a "side chic." One of the reasons is, a lot of women love to feel like they are better than the next woman. They feel the need to compete with one another for different reasons. It's a stigma that has shadowed the female species for as far back as I can remember. Today, us women fight hard to rid ourselves of this ugly stigma. There are many women empowerment groups and organizations that promote women standing together and not against one another. They encourage women to encourage and uplift one another. Personally, I love it; I believe in women empowerment and women standing together in unity. But, despite all of the rallying and girl power movements, cattiness and competitiveness just resonates among some women regardless. We don't want it to exist, but it does and it doesn't matter the age either. Now, having said all of that, I could have easily taken this man's lame story about not being happy, and ran with it. I could have told myself, "Yeah, her man wants me, and he he likes me better than he likes her," and continued seeing him on the low.
He was doing what a lot of people do when they are in a relationship/marriage, and they want to deal with other people outside of their union. They down play the person they are with due to the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. They say things like "he/she doesn't do this, he/she doesn't do that, he/she is boring, etc. They try to make you feel like you would be a better person for them. It wasn't that I was any better than his wife, it was just the simple fact that to him, I was like a breath of fresh air.
He and I did not have anything in common; meaning we did not share kids, any bills, the same last name, the same dwelling, nothing. The only thing he and I had in common was our place of employment. Therefore, we had no reason to have any major issues, or carry any of the stress that can come with being married or in a relationship. Fortunately, I did not need to feel like I had "one up" on his wife nor did I need to feel like I can have her man if I want him, to make myself feel good. Women need to know that you shouldn't have to step on another woman's toes to feel good about yourself. So, when ole girl's man is trying to get at you, remember you are too good to share her husband or boyfriend with her. Know that you deserve a man of your own, and being his side chic doesn't mean you are better than his woman, it just means you are willing to settle.
When you know your self worth, and you have standards, you won't need the attention of another woman's man to make you feel like you that bitch!!!